Back to Reality

 Been back for 2 weeks for 3 days, excluding the stays in hotel. We have been legit-ly staying home for 3 nights and well, it is dreaded. There is ups and downs but some things just never change. 

What I miss: 
1. Freedom of having the whole house to ourselves
2. Freedom of not having to contact or meet up with friends 
3. Just having to communicate with Mother via video call once 2 weeks and message every 2 to 3 days to let her know that we are alright
4. Action, Primark, AH, Saturday Markets, Jumbo
5. Travelling around in Europe, train rides
6. Weather
7. Beer 
8. Not working, just at home doing whatever
9. Don't have to care about anything or anyone, just US

What I hate (maybe not hate but dislike) :
1. Having to bother about what everyone thinks, its like such a nuisance to have to care, listen to others
2. Living my parents, but seriously all is down to Mother. She is like a freaking time bomb. I am so afraid that I may do something wrong. Whatever I take, I want to make sure I put it in the correct place. Whatever I want to do, its best to ask first. I know I inherited this bad trait from her but she is far worst. She cannot let go of things. I dislike her having to repeat herself over and over again, even though when I said I have got it. I dislike her telling me that she is sick, or having a lot of issues over and over again, it sounds like she just want people to sympathize that she is doing so much work. Why does she have to clean the windows, amend pants to Bermudas, clean toilets, vacuum sofa, etc. ALL ON THE SAME DAY. I don't understand, she can split the works to different days. She has one huge packet of pants, but it doesn't mean that she needs to amend them on one day. How many pants does father or Shawn needs? I mean, you do so much work, its because you bring it on to yourself. Let Father do whatever he wants, you already know that Father also don't talk much, why must you keep nagging at him. Just say once enough. ONCE. I really hate this from you. I hate myself that I am like you but I think I was better in Netherlands. Cos I know its just us in the house, I don't have to worry that another person may have issues with how we live or do things. Cos everything belongs to us, I don't have to worry. 

And this is just point 2 turning into a paragraph, story, etc. How hard is it to tell me how to use the toaster? You can tell me the time taken for a slice of bread and temperature right. But in turn, you ask me "You never use toaster before?". Not all toasters are the same, and I use a frying pan. You keep saying that we can cook, I am so afraid to use your kitchen, in any case I misplace or use something wrongly. I am just afraid to use or do anything that may just upset you, then your constant nagging will start. 

When a conversation was going alright, you need to keep repeating things. I already said OK, we may not have the same agreement, but OK means OK. OK means I have noted what you say, you don't have to keep repeating it again and again. That's why I don't like staying home, don't like having conversations which may turn into a so-called debate, even before marriage or whatever, my life was work and stay out till late so I do not have to be in contact with her. It was so nice just having a 1 hour phone call every 2 weeks, random text messaging. It was so blissful. 

I guess I will have a lot more things to complain even though it has been just a few days. It makes me remember why I don't like staying home. And here I am, thinking, should I ask if Stephanie's working today?

Its ok, Im starting work on the 29th. Hopefully by then, me and Asshole can have the same schedule cos with Asshole at home, all these shits will be lesser I think. Maybe not but at least I am not alone. 

And now I will go and make lunch (just toasting 2 slices of bread and putting parmesan cheese). Let's see what she has to say. OH and I am just finding something to do on the laptop so she thinks that I am not just lying on the bed.

*update: Lunch was noodles and fish. Apparently the morning conversation about bread and cheese was for when she was not home and not for today. How I know?! but lunch conversation was harmless, maybe cos father is there and we re eating fish with bones.