work

was at dc.
den saw javern.
he wasnt as dao as last time.
dunoe why he today will say hi to me.
den he was like eh. you came back mac to work arhs.
and yesh ii came back for like 1 year plus liaos lors.
den he say he nv see me.
okkays.

actually wished tt he can go to xiao ying's birthday party.
held at a void deck.
wish me and yi xiang and javern and xiao ying can gather once more to tok shit.
to quarrel around with each other.
how ii wish that we can.

ii was taking my wallet and everything from the manager room.
boss say she needs to check whether ii nv take other pple ting.
so ii show her my ezlink card and cover my face.
she was like. why you cover ur face.
den ii said "cos ugly mahs"
she said where got ugly. wad ugly.
must have confidence blah blah.
and den she ask got pple say you ugly mehs.
ii say yesh, there is pple who say tt ii am ugly.
den she say den you shld feel tt you are nt ugly.
wad the hell.

ii am really ugly last time.
ii have to admit tt my skin have improved alot.
last time ii didnt dare to look at my OWN TOILET MIRROR.
ii dun dare and ii dun wanto even look at my reflection. okkays.
ii just hate myself so much at that time.
ii keep on wondering. why does this happen to me.
why me, and not other pple.
why am ii so extra or "special"?
and the answer is.
cos ii got the kind of hormones which lets acne grow more.
tt the answer ii got from the doctor.
who claims tt he can heal me in 4 mths. smooth skin.
mind you. he said tt.
and he didnt. and cldnt.
it did work awhile. but no later.
stop going to him.

ii tot ii was hopeless.
and tt ii was bound to be one ugly asshole.
very bad.
very low self esteem.
very very low.

now everything sort of change.
my esteem is still slowly regaining back.
ii dare to look at myself at my own toilet mirror.
but nt for all the public toilet mirrors.

but ii still have the tinking " why me ? "